And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
