Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Randomize
