Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
