get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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