There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
