i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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