Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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