He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Randomize
