So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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