We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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