I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
