I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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