my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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