BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
