She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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