Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
