literally had 100 drinks last night.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
