i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
