now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
