she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
