I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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