I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
