bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
