how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
