Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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