On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
