put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
