He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
