your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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