if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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