and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I think I am morally bankrupt
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
