lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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