apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
