Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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