I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
