Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
