My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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