you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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