You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
