How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
