i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
