yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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