During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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