sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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