The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
