In the future we'll all be gay
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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