i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
