Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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