I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
