I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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