i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
