Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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