well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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